The most important part of BDSM sex is the act of consent. Partners should always make sure that everyone is enthusiastic about giving consent and setting clear boundaries. These boundaries can be established through formal contracts, verbal agreements, or more casual conversations about desires and boundaries.
Some warm and fuzzy tips and special considerations about BDSM:
Safety: Because many BDSM practices can be potentially dangerous, or at least cause health problems, safety and responsibility points for BDSM play a very special role. Each person may choose different priorities and risk tolerance. No matter what concept you and your partner play, you should agree on a safe word because with that word, the game must end immediately. Don't give up this necessary safety for yourself and your playing partner so that the two of you can enjoy the game together peacefully at your respective limits. Communication: This is essential to a BDSM relationship because you can express yourself honestly and openly. The more you talk to your partner, the more you will be able to trust each other. Of course, you need to talk about firm and soft boundaries, but it is also important to share each other's thoughts and desires and to listen without judging. Trust promotes stronger communication, which in turn promotes more effective communication.
Another way to negotiate boundaries is a traffic light system:
Each color conveys a partner's feelings and their desires. Red means they want their partner to stop what they are doing immediately. Yellow means they want their partner to slow down, either because they are not feeling well or because they have reached a limit. Green means they like what their partner is doing, they feel comfortable, and they want the action to continue.
Before engaging in more intense forms of erotic play - such as using whips, advanced bondage techniques or sex toys - it's a good idea to first learn about these practices through classes, books or online educational content.
Take it one step at a time. First, try to start the scene in the low-stress, high-energy erotic part of your life. Once your spouse is ready, pull them into the bedroom. Push them up against the wall as far as your personality will allow and do some making out while trying to gain control of you. Use only your tongue and body language to show them that you are in control at this moment.
Finally, partners involved in BDSM sex can practice what is called aftercare. This is where partners take care of each other after a scene and includes cuddling, hydrating, showering together or some other soothing activity. It can also include a discussion of what worked and what didn't work, and how each partner felt. This post-sex debriefing can help keep all participants physically, mentally and emotionally safe.
