Key players: Vaginal dryness, pain, and the clitoris

If you’re experiencing pain during sex, it’s possible that you’re not properly aroused. In order to have pleasurable intercourse, you need to be ready for it. This means you have to be wet, the clitoris engorged, and the vagina properly prepared for penetration.

This doesn’t negate the need for lube. Using lube is always a must. “If you have any negative feelings about using lube, change them now. Lube is always in season,” Kristie Overstreet, PhD, a clinical sexologist and psychotherapist tells Healthline.

No matter how wet you get, you can always stand to be wetter. Lube acts as a buffer, helping with sexual pain caused by friction.

We put a ton of pressure on the socially constructed idea that orgasm during sexual intercourse is the end-all-be-all of sexual goals. Yet, only focusing on vaginal intercourse can cause painful sex for some women. Why? There are nearly no nerves in the vagina, and vaginal penetration can sometimes forget about the clitoris: Ground Zero of female pleasure and orgasm.

Dr. Ian Kerner says in his book “She Comes First,” that every orgasm is based in the clitoral network. The clitoris goes far beyond the small nub you see on the outside of the vulva. It has deep roots beneath the surface. It can reach up to five inches in some women. Most orgasms in women are clitorally-based, even G-spot orgasms.

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